13 All To Common Characters On the Hiking Trail
We can all relate to how peaceful the environments and views of hikes can be, but what about the the extras that come along with our trail walkthroughs? Whether you’re new to hiking, an expert, or maybe one of these people pictured below; take a look at some funny characters we see all too often in the woods. – Tony
1. The Pacer – It doesn’t matter if you’re speed walking or lumbering around like a forest-friendly Frankenstein. You catch a glance of him from behind. Oh no. The Pacer. No matter what you’re doing: Five minute break at the creek? Veering off to a path less travelled? So is The Pacer. Right behind you. Forever. (via Martell of PortlandHikers.org)
2. The Frozen Beard – He has been climbing mountains for 273 years. At least it appears that way. Often mistaken for an abominable snowman or a half-thawed Encino man, he’s mostly harmless. Mostly.
3. The Lovers – They can be young or old. Clothed or … not. But when you spot them, your eyes will literally pop out of your head. As if they needed any more affirmation, someone even wrote a *very* not-safe-for-work hiking guide on this very topic. We’re not going to link to it, but it’s out there. (via Vibramhead of PortlandHikers.org)
4. The Extremist – Nothing’s gonna keep him from having the craziest, most intense hike of his life. Not even you. So, step out of his way. Because if you don’t, he might convince you to join him.
5. The Trail Runner – Almost like a streak of lightning, you’ll see them before you hear them. As they bolt past silently and politely, you’ll notice their ultra-thin gear, a waist pack the size of your wallet and two water bottles the size of baby-food jars (via Splintercat of PortlandHikers.org).
6. The Pack – Unlike the trail runners, you can hear these doggies coming from miles away. Barking. Growling. Howling. Usually three plus dogs, typically never leashed (despite all the signs), while the human pack leader tries to keep pace. Beware: These pups have the tendency to jump all over the place, especially if they sense your instant detest for them.
7. The Tree Huggers – They don’t care about you or your hike. They’re on a journey with nature, and you’re just getting in the way.
8. The Hand Holders – Is it necessary to hold hands with someone *all* the time? Yeah, yeah. We know they like each other. But they don’t need to rub it in our faces, right? It’s OK to secretly hope one trips and pulls the other down with them.
9. The Climber – If it’s vertical, they will scale. It doesn’t even matter if it’s the McDonald’s arches. On the trail they will be searching high and low looking for that next high.
10. The Girlfriend (singular) – If she wasn’t on a date, would she be on the trail? Uh, like, no! This too-much-makeup-wearing chick probably has better things to do than break a sweat.
11. The Girlfriendz (plural) – Yes, the “z” is intentional. This loudly cackling crew of a few 20-somethings engages in animated discussions. And they are completely oblivious or suddenly startled by a cheerful greeting (via Splintercat of PortlandHikers.org).
12. The Foreign Tourists – They don’t know where they’re going, and you don’t know where they’ve been. They stop and try to ask you for directions, but you have no idea what they are saying. Loads of gesturing and verbal mishmash ensues.
13. The Invisible Hiker – It’s that random boot. Or glove. Or backpack. It lays lifeless on the trail sidelines. Its owner? Nowhere in sight.