9 SUREFIRE WAYS TO ANNOY OTHER HIKERS
In the art of good fun, take a look at some surefire ways to annoy and be the worst possible hiker around. - Tony
1. Space out. Give yourself plenty of space on the trail. You might need to even walk with both your arms out like an airplane to ensure that other hikers keep a good distance away. If you have a hiking partner to two, be sure to have them stand near your side to create a barricade for other folks to attempt to pass. They’ll enjoy the challenge, right?
2. Challenge yourself. Never yield to anyone, even if you’re on a bike or a horse. Or a horse bike. Actually, it’s best if you play a game of Chicken with oncoming traffic. It will definitely boost the excitement level and perhaps even draw a crowd.
3. Give shout outs. When approaching and bypassing someone from behind, instead of politely yelling “on the left,” screech: “Get out of the way, jerk!” Bring a fog horn along for extra fun.
4. Be heard. Hike with a boom box on your shoulder, Fresh Prince style. Be as deafening as possible. And by this, we mean LOOOOOUUUDD. It’s only natural.
5. Bring your dogs. Prowl the forest with your trusty pack of unsightly hounds. Without leashes, the medium-sized beasts attack anything with two legs. Or four legs. And when they do the doo? Leave it all over the trail.
6. And the kids. Speaking of unleashed beasts, your wee ones can raise just as much hell outdoors. You’ll have hikers fleeing the trail in no time.
7. Get trashy. Sometimes nature can look too pristine—almost as if it’s calling you to mess stuff up. Sprinkle a little litter here and some more garbage there. Especially since there’s no trash cans. What are you supposed to do?! Let the other hikers clean it up.
8. Be quiet. Don’t report any damage or vandalism to the park authorities. Witness a gigantic fallen tree block the entire path? Catch someone in the act of starting a forest fire? Just turn a blind eye, and continue your peaceful journey.
9. Take risks. Get off the beaten path more often. Pay no attention to the natural habitat in which you are intruding. Stomp all over everything. Leave your mark.